Sadness in My Sister

Unkyung called me tonight and told me she was alone in her room drinking beer. She has called me this way before, but this time she followed the statement with, "This is my life." And even though her English is less than perfect, there was a melancholy tone that made me think that when she said, "This is my life," she meant it in the same way I would if I were to say it while drinking alone in my bedroom.

I asked her if she is happy with her life and she responded that she is not unhappy. Then she went on to say that she doesn't think her father likes her. While she knows he loves her, she doesn't understand why he gets so angry at her when he is drunk. She said she tells herself that it's just the Soju, but that it still hurts and she doesn't fully understand why he gets that way. Every night he drinks. I asked her if she thinks he is happy with his life. She said no. Then I told her that that is the real reason he gets angry. He is angry with his life and with himself and not really with her. She is just the easiest target because Unsun is not home much (at work at the nail salon or with her boyfriend) and he doesn't dare act that way toward his wife or mother. To this she agreed wholeheartedly and even seemed a bit surprised both by my understanding and the fact that she understood what I was saying.

Towards the end of the conversation, she said with relief, "I'm so glad you understand me." It made me realize that, as much as I thought coming here would affect and help me, I had not considered how much it could impact my sister. I never knew she felt as alone as she seems to. I couldn't be sure, but as we hung up, I thought I heard the familiar sound of a tears. Not much....just a sniff and a sigh.