Dinner with my birthfamily

For the past couple weeks my birthfamily has really backed off, giving me the exact amount of space I was craving. I just hope I didn't undo all that tonight.

Because of the space I've received, I felt an obligation or desire (not sure which) to pop up at the restaurant after work tonight and surprise my birthparents, especially since I was sure I knew how to get to the restaurant now. I didn't. I hopped in a cab, gave him directions and then had no idea where I was. Again. So I called Unkyung (who was at home resting) and we went to the restaurant together. It was closed, which surprised me since I thought they were open until 11pm. Putting her fingers to her lips in a signal for me to be silent, Unkyung unlocked the door and motioned for me to creep in. When I did, my birthparents' reactions were exactly what I'd hoped they would be: Shock, surprise, and joy. Both embraced me, laughing with giddy excitement. My birthfather's hug left flour on my black coat which seemed to bother him a great deal.

"Are you hungry?" my birthmother asked. She usually asks either this or if I am tired. I nodded because I hadn't eaten all day. Immediately they called a pizza delivery place to deliver some pizza, chicken, and alcohol. Come to think of it, the alcohol may have already been there. As we waited, my birthfather proceded to work in the kitchen, cleaning and putting away food.....while smoking a cigarette. Can't say I was impressed with the sanitation of that.

When the pizza arrived, we all sat at a table in the restaurant dining room and ate, all of them chewing loudly (which I got a kick out of) and me drinking loudly from my two liter of water (which they got a kick out of). My birthfather thought it funny that I would use a bottle so big, but was also concerned that I would be lugging it around with me.

As we ate, my birthfather downed a bottle of Soju and then another. The bottles are smaller than a beer bottle, but big enough that I knew he had quite a buzz. He spoke about the circumstances that the Korean War had left the country in while he was younger and when I was born. He also spoke about the advances Korea has made economically and technologically in the past 25 years. He kept asking poor Unkyung to translate and more often than not, she'd give him a blank stare and say, "I don't know!" She told me that the words he was wanting to say were too advanced. He also went into a lengthy speech about how he never stopped praying for me and thinking about me and loving me, which I am starting to realize he will do every time he drinks around me.

Another topic at dinner was my weight loss. They marveled at my shrinking self. My birthfather warned me about losing weight too fast and basically told me that if I did, I would die. It was quite a blunt warning. Unkyung explained that annorexia is rampant in Korea and that many Korean women starve themselves literally to death. My birthmother cooed that I "get more beautiful each time I see her." Then my birthmother mentioned than she'd recently lost about 15 pounds. Unkyung translated this with a wink, adding that she didn't believe her mother was telling the truth. My birthmother then gave her the stare of death, causing Unkyung to laugh and say, "Oops. She understood me." Then we all laughed. This prompted my birthmother, in an act of revenge, to pull out her cell and show me pictures of Unkyung when she weighed about 20 pounds more than she does now. It wasn't pretty and I couldn't help but laugh. Soon, we were all laughing.

At the end of dinner, I stood to leave and say goodbye. Immediately, my birthfather tugged on his apron and told Unkyung to help him take it off so that he could hug me and not get me dirty. His embrace was hearty and just as he pulled away, he swung me back in for a second one....and then a third. As I headed for the door, he patted my shoulder, gazed at me and said, "My baby." Then gave me a playful swat on the butt (much to Unkyung's shock) and sent me on my way. Unkyung said of the swat, "Wow, he really thinks you're a baby!"

I actually had fun with the Koreans tonight. The result of them letting me go a bit has allowed me to come to them, and that's really what I needed. I just hope this doesn't rekindle feelings of ownership. "See you tomorrow!" my birthmother said brightly as I left.
Unkyung and I gave each other a grave look and it seemed that we sighed simultaneously.