A woman's worth

I have tried my best to be open minded and not act or think like a typical ethnocentric American, but I'm finding it difficult. This, according to some literature sent by my recruiting company, is the second phase of culture shock. While there are plenty of things I admire about the Koreans, I can't help but feel relief every time I think of how close I came to growing up here.

A before and after plastic surgery, including the eye surgery so popular there. Is it sad that I completely understand?

I went to dinner with a friend today so she could help me learn some useful Korean phrases. As two not-so-skinny Americans, we discussed the Korean culture and the female role as we see it. Here's what we came up with:

In America and other western cultures, Asian women are often seen as sexual objects. I have found that Korean men seem to see Korean women the same way. For women in Korea, beauty is of the utmost importance, causing them to spend large amounts on clothing, makeup, and plastic surgery. They starve themselves and take laxatives to lose more and more weight, and though women in America do the same at times, it's more widespread here and more acceptable....even encouraged in many cases. In fact, the average underweight Korean woman still has "too much" fat due to the fact that they do not lose weight by eating healthfully or exercising. It's not feminine for a woman to go to the gym and sweat it out on a treadmill and hit the weights, even light ones. Instead they grab the pills and skip dinner. No muscle. I've been told by those who have been in Korean public baths that Korean women's bodies are sometimes saggier and softer than those of more voluptuous women because, although they are slender, there is no muscle tone beneath the skin.

Another indication of women's status in this culture, besides the obsession with looks, is the obsession Korean girls have with having a boyfriend. Having a boyfriend instantly elevates your status and seems to prove that you're worth something. Time spent getting a boyfriend is quickly turned into time dressing for him (and like him sometimes...couples often are seen dressed alike) and clinging to him physically. Another thing that young women in Korea do that seems to go away after marriage or with age is speak in a high pitched, breathy, almost whiney or childlike voice. This is preferable and sexier...to sound like a child rather than a woman. All part of the sexual allure women are supposed to have.

The last interesting and, indeed sad, indication that women still have a long way to go in this progressing country is the number of abortions. Although abortion is illegal here, it is far from uncommon. My friend's doctor (here in Korea) admitted that an abortion can be performed in most GYN offices and the doctors are happy to pocket the under-the-table wages. It was explained to my friend by other Korean girls she's come into contact with that Koream girls do not insist their boyfriends wear a condom. Most will not even ask, even at the risk of pregnancy. And birth control pills are considered something prostitutes use and that a truly good girl has no reason to take them. So it's preferable to apease the boyfriend, appear pure, and just get an abortion if a problem arises. It's also not unheard of to abort once it is found that the unborn child is female.

I look at my birthsisters and feel sad. Neither are skinny (although Unsun is a healthy weight) and, although they are both attractive, their value is instantly lower. Both have great personalities but have grown up in a culture where it's better to starve and risk death than to be larger than a size 0, to calculate your value based on your sexual desirability than education, and to abort an unwanted pregnancy rather than ask your boyfriend to wear a condom to keep your own body safe. I know my pity is condescending and maybe even downright ignorant and insensitive....but from where I sit, I can't help but thank God once again that I am an American.