Lotte World, the bar, and grandmother's birthday

First two pictures are of a unique-looking bar some teachers and I went to a few weekends ago. The second two are from my grandmother's 91st birthday. She is giving the "peace" sign in the photo, which I love. And the last four photos are of Lotte World, which is the indoor/outdoor amusement park here. I did ride one roller coaster, but I was so scared and traumatized afterward that I stayed off the rest of them. Also note that the Lotte World logo and castle resemble another famous amusement park...hmmmmm...accidental?

The Korean Corner Store

Something surprising I enjoy is my trips to the market around the corner. I enjoy my interactions with the man and woman who own the store (not sure if they are married or not but it appears so--and I think their son works there too). A couple months ago my birthmother walked me to this market and bought me cookies and beer. There, she engaged in a brief conversation with the woman and, while I'm not sure what she said to her, I imagine she mentioned at least that I am her daughter and that I am from America. Ever since then, their kindness has increased and they even seem genuinely happy to see me each time.

I get the feeling that both are waiting for the day when I will be able to walk in there a Korean-speaking girl able to converse with them. They speak to me in Korean and I never understand any of it unless their gestures are clear, but yet we seem to find humor in the situation. The other day I was browsing the ice cream and she snuck up behind me and grabbed my shoulder and made the Korean equivalent of a "Boo!" noise with a mischeivous smile.

Today when I went there and she again was speaking Korean. At the end of whatever she was saying, she said, "Do you understand?" I can't remember exactly the word in Korean, but I knew I understood it and, though I was nodding the entire time she was speaking, I confidently replied, "Aniyo* or no. At that we both laughed and she said, in English, "bye." I was surprised how rewarding I found this exchange.

Also as a side note, I read two words in Korean the other day. I can read some Korean and normally it doesn't thrill me because even when I read the word, I don't know what it means. But I was in the bathroom and read the words "Big Bang," which is a pop music boy band group. Korean teens go crazy for them. Then I was looking at my cereal box and I read the world "Almond." The Korean spelling is more like "Ahmund-uh," but it was almost just the same, even if it was "Konglish."

Yes, this is a somewhat uneventful entry. But it's just interesting to me how these tiny triumphs can feel so good.

Easter Sunday pics and post

We had a "brunch" of pizza and chicken at my birthfamily's home first. There, my birthfather tried to convince me no less than five times to drink some Soju with him. He even tried pouring some into a glass and telling me it was "just water." After a green and pink manicure from Unsun and a quick Soju-induced nap for my birthparents, we were off to Children's Grand Park's Cherry Blossom Festival. Above are pictures of their house. Notice their "shower" in their bathroom. Also note than Unkyung's room is messy, just like mine.








The cherry blossoms were pretty and the park layout was interesting to see. We sat under the trees and conversed for about an hour and a half before taking a walk around the park. The stone carving is of a half moon with the lyrics to a Korean song (called Half Moon I think). I also took pictures of the dried octopus (octopus jerky?) they sold as festival food and the huge hot water dispenser for the bowls of ramen noodles (they call it Rameyan) so many bought and ate. It seemed an onconvenient outdoor snack to me, but the festival goers lined up by the dozens to get some.

When we got ready to leave for the festival, my birthfather insisted that he take me on the moped (while the rest walked) so my legs wouldn’t get tired. I tried to politely decline because, honestly, the thought of weaving in and out of traffic (which was fun with Unkyung) on a moped with a driver who was buzzed on Soju didn’t thrill me. But he insisted and that's all he need do apparently. It took everyone else about 30 minutes to get to the park. I tried to hide my annoyance with the way things were going. Birthfather held my hand, his fingers interlocking with mine which is always uncomfortable as his fingers are wide, forcing my fingers to stretch to their limits. As he walked through the crowd, he pulled me by my hand, unaware of things like trees, people, or walls which were in my path but not in his. I was being dragged and whipped around and not like we were two people strolling TOGETHER and holding hands.

When we all sat down to enjoy the day, Birthfather mentioned that I needto get married quickly. I launched into a speech about not wanting to be married any sooner than four years from now. I included my plans to have a career and to buy my own home, both without a man. I’m not sure how much Unkyung was able to translate, but I didn't care. My words were coming from a place of frustration. I felt that the entire day was filled with various attempts to control me. Unsun later asked if Unkyung spoke English well. I said that she did and she giggled and whispered to her mother. She explained that she thinks Unkyung doesn’t know as much English as she pretends. This made us all laugh and from then on the day was pleasant.

I arm wrestled Unkyung and Unsun. When I defeated Unsun everyone was shocked, including me since the family always claims that Unsun is freakishly strong, saying, “ she like man.” Then I remembered that before I came here, I did go to the gym and work with a personal trainer who had me weight train, do push ups, etc. etc. Of course Unsun seemed freakishly strong in a country where weight training isn’t something young Korean girls do.

Last note: I have confirmed that I definitely get my short legs from my birthfather. I always tell people that I have short legs, even for a person my height. My torso is just as long as most, but my legs are what are unusually short. Looking at my birthfather sitting cross legged on the picnic blanket, I realized where this feature “stems” from. His legs and feet looked so miniature. Also, my hands are shaped like his (unfortunately) while my birthmother and Unsun have long, slender, elegant looking fingers. The only difference is his hands' obvious masculinity, rough texture, and yellow tint which I’m not sure is from smoking cigarettes or from something else.

A woman's worth

I have tried my best to be open minded and not act or think like a typical ethnocentric American, but I'm finding it difficult. This, according to some literature sent by my recruiting company, is the second phase of culture shock. While there are plenty of things I admire about the Koreans, I can't help but feel relief every time I think of how close I came to growing up here.

A before and after plastic surgery, including the eye surgery so popular there. Is it sad that I completely understand?

I went to dinner with a friend today so she could help me learn some useful Korean phrases. As two not-so-skinny Americans, we discussed the Korean culture and the female role as we see it. Here's what we came up with:

In America and other western cultures, Asian women are often seen as sexual objects. I have found that Korean men seem to see Korean women the same way. For women in Korea, beauty is of the utmost importance, causing them to spend large amounts on clothing, makeup, and plastic surgery. They starve themselves and take laxatives to lose more and more weight, and though women in America do the same at times, it's more widespread here and more acceptable....even encouraged in many cases. In fact, the average underweight Korean woman still has "too much" fat due to the fact that they do not lose weight by eating healthfully or exercising. It's not feminine for a woman to go to the gym and sweat it out on a treadmill and hit the weights, even light ones. Instead they grab the pills and skip dinner. No muscle. I've been told by those who have been in Korean public baths that Korean women's bodies are sometimes saggier and softer than those of more voluptuous women because, although they are slender, there is no muscle tone beneath the skin.

Another indication of women's status in this culture, besides the obsession with looks, is the obsession Korean girls have with having a boyfriend. Having a boyfriend instantly elevates your status and seems to prove that you're worth something. Time spent getting a boyfriend is quickly turned into time dressing for him (and like him sometimes...couples often are seen dressed alike) and clinging to him physically. Another thing that young women in Korea do that seems to go away after marriage or with age is speak in a high pitched, breathy, almost whiney or childlike voice. This is preferable and sexier...to sound like a child rather than a woman. All part of the sexual allure women are supposed to have.

The last interesting and, indeed sad, indication that women still have a long way to go in this progressing country is the number of abortions. Although abortion is illegal here, it is far from uncommon. My friend's doctor (here in Korea) admitted that an abortion can be performed in most GYN offices and the doctors are happy to pocket the under-the-table wages. It was explained to my friend by other Korean girls she's come into contact with that Koream girls do not insist their boyfriends wear a condom. Most will not even ask, even at the risk of pregnancy. And birth control pills are considered something prostitutes use and that a truly good girl has no reason to take them. So it's preferable to apease the boyfriend, appear pure, and just get an abortion if a problem arises. It's also not unheard of to abort once it is found that the unborn child is female.

I look at my birthsisters and feel sad. Neither are skinny (although Unsun is a healthy weight) and, although they are both attractive, their value is instantly lower. Both have great personalities but have grown up in a culture where it's better to starve and risk death than to be larger than a size 0, to calculate your value based on your sexual desirability than education, and to abort an unwanted pregnancy rather than ask your boyfriend to wear a condom to keep your own body safe. I know my pity is condescending and maybe even downright ignorant and insensitive....but from where I sit, I can't help but thank God once again that I am an American.

Dinner with my birthfamily

For the past couple weeks my birthfamily has really backed off, giving me the exact amount of space I was craving. I just hope I didn't undo all that tonight.

Because of the space I've received, I felt an obligation or desire (not sure which) to pop up at the restaurant after work tonight and surprise my birthparents, especially since I was sure I knew how to get to the restaurant now. I didn't. I hopped in a cab, gave him directions and then had no idea where I was. Again. So I called Unkyung (who was at home resting) and we went to the restaurant together. It was closed, which surprised me since I thought they were open until 11pm. Putting her fingers to her lips in a signal for me to be silent, Unkyung unlocked the door and motioned for me to creep in. When I did, my birthparents' reactions were exactly what I'd hoped they would be: Shock, surprise, and joy. Both embraced me, laughing with giddy excitement. My birthfather's hug left flour on my black coat which seemed to bother him a great deal.

"Are you hungry?" my birthmother asked. She usually asks either this or if I am tired. I nodded because I hadn't eaten all day. Immediately they called a pizza delivery place to deliver some pizza, chicken, and alcohol. Come to think of it, the alcohol may have already been there. As we waited, my birthfather proceded to work in the kitchen, cleaning and putting away food.....while smoking a cigarette. Can't say I was impressed with the sanitation of that.

When the pizza arrived, we all sat at a table in the restaurant dining room and ate, all of them chewing loudly (which I got a kick out of) and me drinking loudly from my two liter of water (which they got a kick out of). My birthfather thought it funny that I would use a bottle so big, but was also concerned that I would be lugging it around with me.

As we ate, my birthfather downed a bottle of Soju and then another. The bottles are smaller than a beer bottle, but big enough that I knew he had quite a buzz. He spoke about the circumstances that the Korean War had left the country in while he was younger and when I was born. He also spoke about the advances Korea has made economically and technologically in the past 25 years. He kept asking poor Unkyung to translate and more often than not, she'd give him a blank stare and say, "I don't know!" She told me that the words he was wanting to say were too advanced. He also went into a lengthy speech about how he never stopped praying for me and thinking about me and loving me, which I am starting to realize he will do every time he drinks around me.

Another topic at dinner was my weight loss. They marveled at my shrinking self. My birthfather warned me about losing weight too fast and basically told me that if I did, I would die. It was quite a blunt warning. Unkyung explained that annorexia is rampant in Korea and that many Korean women starve themselves literally to death. My birthmother cooed that I "get more beautiful each time I see her." Then my birthmother mentioned than she'd recently lost about 15 pounds. Unkyung translated this with a wink, adding that she didn't believe her mother was telling the truth. My birthmother then gave her the stare of death, causing Unkyung to laugh and say, "Oops. She understood me." Then we all laughed. This prompted my birthmother, in an act of revenge, to pull out her cell and show me pictures of Unkyung when she weighed about 20 pounds more than she does now. It wasn't pretty and I couldn't help but laugh. Soon, we were all laughing.

At the end of dinner, I stood to leave and say goodbye. Immediately, my birthfather tugged on his apron and told Unkyung to help him take it off so that he could hug me and not get me dirty. His embrace was hearty and just as he pulled away, he swung me back in for a second one....and then a third. As I headed for the door, he patted my shoulder, gazed at me and said, "My baby." Then gave me a playful swat on the butt (much to Unkyung's shock) and sent me on my way. Unkyung said of the swat, "Wow, he really thinks you're a baby!"

I actually had fun with the Koreans tonight. The result of them letting me go a bit has allowed me to come to them, and that's really what I needed. I just hope this doesn't rekindle feelings of ownership. "See you tomorrow!" my birthmother said brightly as I left.
Unkyung and I gave each other a grave look and it seemed that we sighed simultaneously.