Grandmother's Calling Hours

I spent some time with my birthfamily last Friday. It was pleasant enough but I could tell that their minds were preoccupied with the health of Grandmother. As usual, Birthfather downed some Soju and began talking about what I should do with my life. He insisted that I marry someone about two years older. I told him I preferred them five to ten years older. That's not entirely true and I don't know what prompted me to say it, other than the fact that sometimes I just like to "bug" him. He reiterated his stance and then, after more conversation, ammended it saying that the only thing that really matters is love.

Last night Grandmother died and apparently Unkyung tried to call me. My stupid cell phone didn't ring as it's been on the fritz, on and off, for the past few months. But I got the news this morning and agreed to meet with them after work.

At first I was afraid I'd be in their home, the four of them crying and begging me to stay longer. I don't get off work until 10PM, so I anticipated being asked to stay well beyond 1AM. It even crossed my mind that they'd insist I spend the night. Such was not the case. To my immense relief, they were having calling hours. The hospital has a separate wing for calling hours. There are several "areas" and so several calling hours were going on at once. Each one has a large room with low tables set up. Connected to that room is a room for mourning and paying respects to a "shrine" to the deceased.

I walked in and saw dozens of people (at least). They were family members and friends who knew "Halmoni" (Korean for "grandmother") and my family. For the most part, everyone was smiling and laughing, but I suspect the main family members had released tears before guests arrived hours ago. I was led into the room with the shrine. There were three Christian crosses surrounding a photo of her. There was a stack of white carnations and I was to take one and lay it on the alter, light a stick of incense. Then I stepped back and was instructed to hold my hands in front of me, bow my head, and take a moment of silence.

The women of the family, my birthmother and aunts, were wearing black traditional Korean dresses called "hanbooks." The collars were white and they looked very dignified. The men of the family all wore black suits with black ties and a black and white-striped armband on their left side. The flowers of choice were lillies and carnations, all white.

The hospital provided food and drinks for the event, the hospital workers standing behind the connected kitchen's counter, making sure the food never ran low. The only thing I could stomach was some egg-fried zucchini and rice.

I felt awkward most of the time as Unkyung had to tend to other guests. My birthmother sat down with me once in a while, and the younger aunts came by periodically to rub my back and give me a warm smile. The uncles constantly tried to speak English to me, which had one of the aunts laughing so hard it seemed she couldn't breathe. She is one aunt I liked from the first time I met her back in February.

Around midnight I decided to leave. To my surprise, no one really had a problem with it. My birthfather was fully drunk at this point and was wearing a pair of too-small, possibly women's, sandals. Unkyung gasped, laughed, and handed him some large slippers. He hugged me, held my face in his hands, and said he loved me and said I was "good." He was clearly struggling to keep his tears "in check." At one point, Birthmother touched her hand to his cheek, looked at her hand, and made a face of mock-disgust upon seeing all the oil and sweat. Birthfather laughed, playfully slapped her hand away, and proceeded to rub his cheek on her sleeve. It was nice.

I also realize that I like my birthmother more and more. We don't seem to need many words. Her sense of humor shines through as she uses hand motions, facial contortions, and sound effects (which she is surprisingly good at) to convey her jokes. She reminds me of my Grandma English and my mother mixed together. Two amazing women. Well, three.

Whew! That's all. I'm tired now and, if you read this entire post, I'm sure you are, too. Night!

P.S. I forget whether you always use a comma before using the word "too" (as I've done above) or whether it's sometimes acceptable to leave the comma out. The books at CDI are messing up my sense of grammar as they have many grammar mistakes. Sometimes hard for me to distinguish the correct from the incorrect.

Grandmother is gone

I got a text from Unkyung this morning informing me that her grandmother died last night.
I'm glad I got to meet her. It's sad, but I hope Unkyung can find some freedom now.
More later.

Worked Saturday

I just got back home from having lunch with Unkyung. I worked this morning for two hours because every other Saturday is A + Hunters. A + Hunters is a program for anyone who is scoring poorly (B- and lower) on their tests. They come in and retake their tests from the previous two weeks. It shouldn't be difficult the second time around since the test is the exact same test they took before. And even if the test wasn't the same, the chapters the tests cover are the same.

So I sat there grading the first round of tests and came across a big fat 0/100. 0%. F. How did this kid manage to get not ONE word correct on this, especially since the procedure is to let them stare at the material for 15 minutes and then take the test immediately! And, as I said before, THEY'VE ALREADY TAKEN THIS TEST BEFORE. I looked at the name. Ah...Brian...my wall licker.

Brian spends most of class licking wells, putting pencils in his mouth and up his nostrils, putting his fingers in his mouth and up his nostrils, and picking at any scabs or dead skin he may have. So when he was given time to study today, he clearly saw no reason to alter his routine.

Another F....Linda. Oh, poor Linda. Linda spends most of the class either picking at her scabs until they bleed (apparently so she can stick her finger in the fluid and into her mouth) and sitting in her seat in a pose not too different from the pose struck in Flashdance (except in flashdance there's a purpose for the pose: she's waiting for the water to splash her to spice up her performance. Linda seems to have no reason). When she's not doing that she's leaping out of her seat and waving her hand in my face while crying out, "Me! Me, Teacher! MEEE!!!!!"

Don't get me wrong. I love the kids. It's infuriating to deal with some of these things as Laura-The-Teacher, but as Laura-The-Sucker-For-Kids, it makes me laugh and smile whenever I think of them.

Grandma's condition and taxi fun

Today I went to my birthfamily's home with Unkyung. Grandmother was there and she had a fever, barely able to open her eyes or lift her head. She's lost a lot of weight. Unkyung's heart is clearly heavy at the thought of her death, but I'm sure she's partially glad that her grandmother's pain will be over soon. For me, it's useful to know that cancer runs in the family.

I took a taxi home. The taxi driver asked me where I am from. I told him "I'm sorry, I don't speak Korean," in Korean. He continued to talk to me in Korean and told me that he thought I was Korean because my face looks Korean. Funny how many people here think of you as either Korean or American, as if the concept of Korean-American is so foreign. And I also noticed that, even though I don't speak Korean, he continued to talk to me. I picked up enough to tell him where I'm from, but that's about it. In America, if you take a taxi and don't speak English, the taxi driver will shrug and stop talking to you. Yet this man kept talking and trying to communicate.

I've also noticed that left turns are made on red lights. Not in the same way they are in America, where we make left turns on red because we reason, hey, I was already in the middle of the intersection when it turned red. Might as well go. No, here it seems to be that red lights only mean you can't go straight. Left turns are acceptable. This may not be legal, but it's what almost all drivers do, whether I'm in a taxi or riding with Unkyung.

I ALSO was amused to see a reality TV show like the American show, "Cheaters." Like cheaters, a person comes to the show suspicious of their significant other. When they are caught cheating, a confrontation is arranged during a moment when the cheating is actually occuring. The twist is, at the end, they are on opposite sides of the street and must cross the crosswalk. If the victim thinks they can forgive, they both stop in the middle. If not, he or she keeps on walking past the cheater. The drama of it had me chuckling. A little bit of America that has trickled in.

When we arrived near my home, he took our a wad of bills to give me change and licked his finger to count them. Yeah, that's exactly what I want. I prefer my money with spit on it.

That's all for now, folks! Take a minute to answer my quiz...

Some pics from Mom's visit...

The first picture is of the lookout point overlooking North Korea. We weren't allowed to take photos past that yellow line. I couldn't see much since it was so foggy, but I thought perhaps I saw KJI giving his the finger from afar.


The next two pictures are of the section of the DMZ tour that honors the sacrifices made during the Korean world.


The first two pics above are at Dorasan Station which is the only place where both North Korean and South Korean soldier patrol. The station has the only train from South Korea to North Korea. The first pic is the spot where George W. Bush gave his Axis of Evil speech.
The third picture is of two guns used during the Korean war.




There's Unkyung looking cute above.



These pictures are of: 1.) the popular Meyongdong shopping area, 2.) The cast of JUMP, a martial arts comedy show, and 3.) A dance performance in Insadong, another popular shopping area. I love the fact that all the dancers were senior citizens. It was great!





Okay, above this text are pictures of the day Mom and Kevin arrived. The first is of the gate we stared at for over an hour, waiting for them to come through the doors. There's also a picture of my birthparents. The third picture is one of the flowers we gave Mom. The last is the guy who created the flower arrangement. I liked him because so many Korean men that I've seen here are businessmen or shop owners or restaurant owners. This guy was creative and looked the part too. You can't see, but he has jeans on with holes in it.



These last pics are of brunch with Mom and Kevin and my birthfamily.

My birthparents' love

At the bottom of this post is a video taken of the kids at the orphanage. Cute!


Above are the pics from the meeting with Mom, Kevin, birthparents, Unkyung, an interpreter, and me.


Monday night I met with my mother, Kevin, birthparents, Unkyung, and an interpreter from the tour Mom and Kevin are on. The interpreter is an Caucasian woman who speaks fluent Korean after having lived in Korea for three years. She is married to a Korean man she, he, and her children speak Korean at home. She was so good that when she called my birthparents initially, they thought she was Korean.

Too much was said to repeat here, but it was enlightening and interesting. It was nice to know some things about them beforehand so most of the time could be spent talking about deeper issues. There were a couple infuriating moments (like when they refused to answer one of my questions and when my birthfather commented on my weight), and some emotional ones as well.

I think the most important thing that came out of the session was finding out how fiercely my birthparents wanted to keep me and then, years later, to find me. Their intention was apparently to take me to an orphanage so I could get the medical attention I needed. They had been told that if I did not have surgery soon, I would die. Since they couldn't afford it and since my birthmother grew up in an orphanage as well, she thought it was the best way to keep me alive. The plan was to return in two months, at which point I should be better, and "take me back." When they came back, I was gone.

They talked about the decision and all the fights the situation caused. Birthfather said they fought all the time because he was opposed to the idea of giving me up. He said that if there was a chance I might die anyway, even after surgery, it was better to let me die with them. Now knowing how stubborn my birthfather can be, I see that my birthmother really had to fight to save me.

Apparently they spent a few years trying to find out what happened to me. They found out which adoption agency handled my adoption and, for lack of a better word, harassed them (via my birthmother's sister who lived in Seoul). Finally, they decided that they needed to move to Seoul to increase the chances of finding out about me (that's where the agency was located).

What hit me then was the realization that, though I've had so many differences with my birthparents so far, I have the opportunity that many adoptees whish they had. I can have my questions answered. I CAN say, "Boy, my birthparents are really getting on my nerves," or, "My birthfather is so demanding!" It's something that I never thought I'd have, even after the years of letters and phone calls with them.

Last note: This also reminded me how sweet and amazing Unkyung is. She has done so much for me and thinks about others all the time. I tend to be a "people pleaser," but she does everything with such genuine good intentions that it's inspiring. I'm hoping to do a little good as well by visiting them more often (at their request) and volunteering at the orphanage I visited this week with Mom and Kevin.

Quick update

Well Mom is here and I've been taking some great pictures. I'll talk more about her trip when I can get the pics up, but lately I've been pretty busy getting up in the mornings to spend time with her before I go to work until 10PM. Overall it's been great and their hotel is so swanky and modern and beautiful that I almost spent the night! Unfortunately, it only has one king sized bed and I wasn't sold on spending the night in the same bed with my mom and Kevin (no offense, guys!).

I have good classes so far, but there is one class that is driving me nuts. The class is filled with older children. They aren't quite middle school aged, but just on the cusp and full of attitude. They won't listen to me, talk while I'm talking, won't stop speaking Korean, and won't follow directions. There are three students who provide the most stress and they flat out don't care. I've tried being calm and stern, giving them punishments (extra homework), and rearranging their seating so they wouldn't be right next to their friends. Nothing has worked. I think it's this age because the class I had last semester in this age range was just as bad. Well, maybe not quite as bad....but close.

Well, I'm off to bed....Mom and Kevin and I stopped in at a casino attached to the hotel and played the slots. It was fun and we had a lot of laughs. They leave tomorrow to begin their tour. They will still be in Seoul quite a bit, but in an entirely different area.

Will post pics and details later!